I Am Feeling Magical

...because it's turning out that everything seems to be falling nicely in to place. Smoothly, easily and effortlessly. Now THAT'S the way life is meant to be!

For far too long I had been trapped in the struggle-bubble, where everything was a fight and progress was an effort. Where things 'had' to be done - calls 'must' be made, business 'needed' to be chased and maintenance 'ought' to be carried out. Now, don't get me wrong - I certainly believe in a sense of duty. But the thing is, my own particular sense of duty had somehow become doing things because I felt I 'should'. I know, I know... for many years I have excluded that particular word from my language... yet in many ways I realise that I had been living in a 'should' sort of a way, even though my words would hardly have portrayed that truth.

So what's it all about then? How come things have 'suddenly' become fluid and easy at last? Well, perhaps it's as simple as this. Perhaps my duty had previously been misplaced. I am now thinking that I felt a duty to 'be someone' - to prove myself, to me and to others, with the underlying belief that I wasn't good enough in some way. So therefore, subconsciously, I had been living to please others. No wonder I often felt so tired - and let my weight creep up to be (aside from when I was pregnant) the heaviest I think I've ever been.

Over recent weeks, with the end of my own personal war and so many other things being laid to rest, I have instead been learning to do things that please me. Not much of my outwardly actions have changed - it's been the focus of my actions that have made the difference. One of my favourite quotes is Proust's "the true voyage of discovery is not in seeking new lands, but in seeing with new eyes" and boy has that one sunk home! A few weeks ago I saw a very unflattering photograph of myself taken by my friend's daughter. That was a sufficient shock to push me in to taking action. I joined a slimming club and started to notice the things I was putting in my mouth. As I write this I am already 18lbs lighter and the fat is continuing to just melt away. My mantra to myself is "I am lean, fit, tall and flexible" and as I see myself this way, I am not only becoming conscious of the food I eat and the extra movements I am making, I am also taking more care in the way I clothe my body. People are telling me that I look healthy and happy - and that makes me smile.

In addition to taking care of myself, I began consciously to focus on accepting more joy in to my life. Rather than think about things that might make me happy, I have decided that I already am happy - and the rest just seems to follow. Naturally, easily and smoothly. I have long been a believer in the power of affirmations (the notion that our thoughts create our reality) and now realise that there is no need for a long list of positive statements to make a constructive difference to my reality. Any affirmations come from a root desire - and for me (and, I suspect, many others) that driver is to be happy. Rather than thinking, for example, that "I will be happy when I am earning enough money to live well" I am instead getting in to the full emotional feeling that I am already happy. Just a few focused minutes a day, building the feeling and making it real for me seems to have been enough to kick the universe in to action. For now I seem to always have a smile on my face - and it's true. I am happy! And I also know that this is just the beginning.

For those who doubt what I'm saying - and for others who just like to play for fun - I'd like to share another of the 'tricks' I have learned over the years. I invite you, as always, to just have a go and see what you think. Are you ready to play? Okay, then here we go :-)

I'd like you to take a good look around you and notice your surroundings. You don't need to do it for long, just have a scan of the scenery that is around and about you. Once you've done that, I'd like you to close your eyes and recall what you've seen. Easy eh? So, go on - do it now. You'll have a good sense of the view you've just taken in.

Now I'd like you to have another look - but this time focus on something specific. I invite you to seek out everything in your surroundings that is the colour red. (If there is nothing red, then choose another colour). Scan your surroundings once again, and then close your eyes and recall what you've seen. As you do that, you'll notice that the picture has changed - and you will have a different internal sensation as your mind's eye remembers what you've just seen.

So here's the question - what changed? Did your surroundings change in any way? Did you change where you were sitting or standing? No, I suspect that you didn't. So what didchange to give you a different picture and sensation of your immediate world? The answer is your focus - that's all. And in life, whatever we focus on becomes more real to us.

The reds (or other colour if you chose something else) were always there. It's just because I invited you to focus on them that they suddenly became more obvious. So, logically then, if we focus on being happy then those things are going to come more clearly in to our experience. We do have the power to choose our experiences - we always have. It's just that we either forget, or have never been shown.

It is now 8.45pm on what has been another beautiful summer day. I have spent the afternoon pulling up weeds from the garden, and have just returned from an evening swim in the river with my son. We're both now outside with a bottle of beer, both tapping away on our laptops and sharing jokes. Now that is what I'd call happiness! Magic? Well, yes - I happen to believe it is!

I Am Wondering...

How might my life have turned out had I not been given the many experiences that have been placed in front of me? There have been many times when I've begged for mercy. Pleaded for the bad things to go away, and prayed that I would not have to face yet another battle. And yet for many years the battles just kept on coming. I am lucky to have lived the first sixteen years of my life with a mother who, in my opinion, was one in a million. Widowed when she was just 32 years old and about to give birth to my little sister, she was a lady who refused to give up - although I'm sure there were many moments when she would dearly have loved to lie down and surrender. She didn't. She brought me and my sister up with the strong belief that we can get through anything. That 'life is our oyster' and that it's up to us to create the life of our choosing. She was not religious, but her wisdom encompassed the teachings in so many of todays faiths. One of her favourite sayings was 'this too will pass' - an affirmation I have used many times during my formative years, and during times of confusion and pain.

Another of her stoic catch-phrases was 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' - she would remind me, whenever I had problems at school, that all of the bad stuff is merely character building. Believe me, there have been many times when I've yelled at the skies, fists clenched and tears running down my face that my character is strong enough thank you very much indeed. Enough already! And yet now, as I've found greater peace in my heart and in my soul, I can honestly say that every experience has contributed in a positive way to make me the person I am today. So, without those experiences, what might I have become?

Of course I can never know the answer to that question. The what-ifs of life are, for me, questions that rarely serve to help - unless they are related to future plans or ideas.

Over the years I've learned the value and power of the words we use. My full name is Melanie - a name that, until recently, I thought of as somewhat clumsy and clunky. I never liked the sound of it when it was read out in school. Linked with my surname, I would cringe with embarrassment, wishing that I had been named Anne or Sue, with a one-syllable surname like Smith or Jones. I was one of those children who was always bigger than the rest of my school mates. Regularly described as 'plump' I was slightly short-sighted with bucked teeth and a naturally clumsy way about me. My name, it seemed to me, merely served to highlight my awkwardness - particularly when I was in the company of a number of Annabels, Sophies and a Tanya (my best friend). Neither exotic nor simple, I felt that my name was as lumbering and ungainly as my body - and I did my best to hide away. I would blush at the simplest of things, my red face even swamping the mass of hated gingery freckles that covered my nose and cheeks.

The sudden death of my mother changed all of that. I knew that I had to be strong - for myself as well as for my little sister who was only 11 at the time. Within a matter of months I became somebody who could look after herself. A girl who, having just hit puberty, would learn how to stand up and be counted. Someone who would need to keep her wits about her and learn the complexities and dualities of the adult world. I began to see myself as a survivor - and more than that, a fighter who would stand tall for anyone who was being mistreated. Fighting for others made me strong in myself - and caring for the good of others is what started me on my life-long quest for self-development. Remembering mum's words, I was convinced that there must be a better way - for me, for my sister, and for others who had experienced any kind of suffering.

I became an advocate for positive thinking, devouring every book and tape (there were no such things as MP3 or even CDs in those days!) about the power of thought, I would test out the theories on myself and also on anyone else who was willing to listen. Later on in life I studied in earnest, firstly running Louise Hay workshops for people to "Heal Your Life" and eventually setting up a successful company that specialised in motivation and team-building.

Those lessons stood me in good stead. For when I discovered that my husband (soulmate and business partner) had been deceiving me, I put them all in to practice - and how! The discovery of his betrayal left me emotionally, physically and financially drained. Bankrupt in every sense of the word. Yet I refused to give up - just as my mother before me refused to give up. And it has been over this time that I've truly come to appreciate the power of words. For our words express the thoughts and beliefs we have about the world. And for me, my name now stands for someone who has indeed overcome the odds. Melanie Carnegie. I can say it loud and proud. Because it means something - it is no longer clumsy and embarrassing. No. Now it means "determined to overcome, and determined to speak out"

You may be familiar with Henry Ford's famous quote "whether you believe you can or you can't, you're absolutely right" - because for me, the words we use to describe our situation give a perfect demonstration of any blocks or limitations that we may be holding on to. My words, therefore, have been deliberately chosen over the past couple of years to make sure I pulled through and overcame whatever was put in front of me. Whenever it looked as though I couldn't go on, or the blockages in front of me were too mighty to overcome, I would repeat the mantra "there is always a way" - and sure enough, there was. 

Some of you may already be well-versed in the idea that our thoughts create our reality. To others of you reading this, it may seem that I'm being flippant - or downright stupid in my belief that we can choose our outcomes. That simply by thinking about things in a different way, we can actually create a different result. To those people I'd like to invite you to run with a little experiment I often share with groups.

I'd like you to stand up, place one arm pointing out straight ahead of you and then twist around until your arm is pointing as far back as you can reach. Look behind you and notice how far your arm has reached, by noting a place where your finger is now pointing. It may sound daft, but go on, humour me and give it a shot.

Okay, done it? Good. Now bring your arm back down by your side, and in your minds eye I invite you to imagine - just imagine - that your back is now a flexible bendy spring. Your spine is coiling around and is now more supple and bendy than you had imagined before. Take a couple of breaths, and just imagine how that might feel.

Once you've done that, I invite you to once again place your arm out in front of you and twist it around as before - noticing as you go past the original point that you noted the first time. Now, I don't know how far you went, but in groups this normally creates an outburst of spontaneous laughter as people notice how much further they can now twist around!

So here's my question. What changed? Did you do any particular kind of limbering up exercises? Did you get in to any yoga positions to flex your spine? The answer is no. It was purely by changing your internal thoughts that you achieved a different physical result.

So I'm wondering... if our thoughts can work in this small way, how many more ways could choosing our thoughts create better results?

And I'm wondering now about wandering.... about wandering further in to this area of self-development and mastery that I hold so dear. I'm wondering about sharing more of the skills I've learned over the years. Skills which, for me at least, are now second nature. Because I'm guessing that to many people this is a new adventure.

So... as I continue with my adventuring, I plan to share more of the things that have allowed me to overcome so many challenges. Because if I can make a difference to just one person, then I feel I am giving back to a world that has taught me so much - and has made me so grateful to be alive.

I was right when I thought that there must be another way - because there is. And there isalways a solution. Right now, though, I'm coming from a place of peace and contentment. There is no more need for me to prove myself - to me or to anyone else. I AM good enough - I always was. And so are you.

I hope you choose to be a part of my on-going adventures, and that together we can learn to live the life of our dreams. Please let me know your thoughts...